Celebrating Pride Month
Look, I don’t have much time today, but I did not want to let the launch of Pride Month pass without a word here.
As the owner of Strategy School I have the choice and the opportunity to align our culture and values to my personal values. So why not start by sharing some of these values with you today?
Did you know? At Strategy School we believe all people are equal. We believe love is love. We make room for everyone to show up as their authentic selves. There’s no room for hate here.
As we kick off LGBTQ+ Pride month, I just want to throw down some wisdom hailing from my personal life. It might seem strange for day one of Pride Month, but this wisdom starts with a request for compassion for those inside and outside the LBGTQ+ community.
Lesson #1: Let's give everyone a little more grace. In the words of Elliot Page: “The world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another.”
I mean…right?!
My husband and I have five children between us. Two are straight and cisgender. One is a gay man married to a transgender man. One is a lesbian. One is on their journey to figuring it out. Most of our children’s revelations about their sexuality and gender identities have surfaced (at least to us) in the past two years. So, needless to say, we’ve learned a little on the subject.
Some context.
Growing up, I was one of the lucky ones.
I grew up being taught that Love is Love.
It's really not that complicated. (Keep reading, I get to the complicated part later.)
My dear old Dad would phrase his values with a classic liberal Bostonian twist that only Bostonians would appreciate. He would repeatedly say, “Anybody can be an asshole.” What he was expressing, while maybe not obvious to you, but was clear to me, even as a child, was that all human beings are equal. We have an equal chance of running into a Good Human just as easily as running into a Bad Human, regardless of skin color, religious beliefs, or sexual preference. While you may not agree with his language or his verbal tactic, I am deeply grateful for him seeding my lifetime of the ethics with equality. Because I grew up with this morality in place, I never had to unlearn prejudice. This was probably my Dad’s greatest gift to me.
I then taught my own children the same.
And then, one day, my eldest son let me know that he was gay and engaged to a transgender man. And guess what? Things got really bumpy between us really fast. Shocking? It was to me. To my Son, I had failed to say all the supportive things I should have verbalized. To me, I had been saying all the supportive things his whole life, there was no need. I’m a woman of action. As far as I was concerned, my actions proved my love, when the new pronouns failed me, which was often. I’m not going to dive into the specifics, because it's not all my story to tell, but what I can tell you is that allyship and advocacy can be complicated and difficult - even when you are 100% in the LBGTQ+ corner. I’m tired of people talking about all of this as if it's so simple. It’s complicated. Love is love and that is simple. But relationships are complicated, the closer you are, the deeper the feelings, the more complicated. Families? Forget about it. (Yes, I just said that in my head with an American-Italian accent….fugettabouuuutit).
So you don’t worry too much, we just finished celebrating their wedding last week, and it was perfect. I am so freaking proud of my Son and his Husband, and I feel closer to my family than ever before. Now back to the lesson. Because I’m a storyteller, you know?
Remember the lesson? It was: Give everyone a little more grace.
Here’s a really powerful first step. We inside the LGBTQ+ community (including allies) need to STOP criticizing or “othering” people who are trying to get it right (use the right pronouns, the right terminology etc.). Instead, let's celebrate the effort. When someone gets it wrong and says “sorry” you say “I appreciate that you care enough to try”. That doesn't feel hard. That seems easy? Am I wrong?
I’ll go a step further with this example. When someone is trying to get it right, it’s them actively showing you they respect you. Getting it right is just practice, it's not the important part. Caring enough to try is the important part. To me, hailing from the neurodiverse - shaming someone while they are trying to change the way they speak is the same as shaming their diversity. Isn’t that going backwards? Don’t belittle people who have zero prejudice in their heart, nor in their actions, but whose words don’t satisfy you. What happens is, when shamed, people shrink away. When what we really want is Connection.
Shaming people diminishes all of our experiences. It also retracts from progress. It encourages people who were on a journey toward joining the community to Stop. Dig in their heels and remain on the wrong side of history.
I’ve always been a fan of the way Jonathan Van Ness speaks to people with so much love on this topic. “It's okay honey, you will get there, I will help”. Can we all be a little more like Jonathan?
Anyway - that’s my PREACH. Signing off for today. With Love. For all.
Rachael
