There’s something persnickety about giving yourself a title…
Once upon a time there was a grown ass woman, who thought her britches weren’t big enough. [Spoiler, its me, Rachael.]
Against all odds, this woman had it all by the new 40 known as 50. She even started her own advertising agency and gave herself the title of CEO. But theres something persnickety about giving yourself a title, isn’t there?
Does it really count?
Did you earn it?
Are you even qualified to be here ya beeaatch?
Okay enough…stop.
Those were some of the voices in my head. They’re gone now. Let me explain.
Recently I went through a phase of being extremely hard on myself. As a lifetime pro at negative self talk, it slipped on like an old shoe. The trigger? I read a book on Strategy and Leadership that spiraled me into believing in my complete incompetence as CEO.
[The book and the author will remain nameless here, this is not a smear campaign]
In short, the author told me that my traits - my core and unique human nature - is in complete conflict with what is essential for a CEO to be successful.
I believed him.
Once the insecurity crept in, it took up space, rooted and eventually flowered into what felt like a breakdown. A friend described it as burnout. Burnout may be too gentle a word. It felt like CRUMBLING.
I’m sure many of you have been there. Here’s what the head loop sounded like:
How can I possible be a CEO when...
Successful CEOs are extroverts, the life of the party and the center of attention
Historically, and ironically, I have been perceived as an extrovert all my life. In fact, I have intense social anxiety. Walking up to a stranger at an event - even when its up to someone I cannot wait to connect with - I often freeze. The space between hello and the next sound is uncomfortably long. I believe the key word here is awkward. I’m awkward. Or at least I feel that way, which is what counts.
Other times I have one too many drinks to loosen the jaw and end up saying something regrettable. That shit will play on a loop in my head for the rest of the event. Kill me now.
Shameless plug: One of the reasons I am so good at event experience design is because I know exactly how to design events for anxiety-ridden over thinkers and people who hate networking. Isn’t that the 99%? I design for us. Okay, back to the story:
2. Successful CEO’s know how to manipulate people. To be clear, in his book, he called it “selling” but it was, without a doubt, manipulation. #vomit
The author provided a use case demonstrating how a direct, straight-forward request to win business is the wrong strategy. Insulting even. Well…my ADD (undiagnosed spectrum?) wires me for brutal truth before kindness and makes manipulation impossible. I can’t even soften the truth very well. Like ever. Ask my husband. Or my old bandmates, or any of my employees. Thats my nature. So I guess I suck at this.
3. Successful CEO’s are motivated by fame and fortune
I have zero interest in “corporate” fame. Can you imagine that pressure cooker? Can you imagine having to be right all the time? Can you imagine the travel? The number of times you’d have to go to Vegas? Nope. As far as wealth, yea, I would love to never have to worry about money ever again. I would love to be able to make my children’s paths easier than mine was. But as my Dad says “Wealth is being able to pay all of your bills without worry.” My version is “Wealth is being able to pay all your bills easily, eat at your favorite restaurants whenever you want, give more to those with less, take real vacations and do it all with people who love you.” By those standards I am pretty freaking close to reaching my wealth goals.
Anyway, back to the being a crappy CEO thing.
I could not let it go. I could not stop listening to this God damn audio book. I would even rewind to hear bits repeated on just how unlikely I am to “make it”. It got to the point where I would be listening to this book while driving and tears would form in my eyes, blurring my vision. More than once I pulled into my driveway sobbing.
Thankfully, eventually, my better self prevailed. No idea how or why, but I starting re-thinking. Things like…
Do I even know my own true nature?
Do my traits not “fit” a CEO role or does the CEO role, by definition, need to change?
What if its not my nature that's wrong, but the advice I’m getting?
The world is changing so fast. What if this advice is no longer relevant?
STEP ONE: Know thyself
Maybe you think you know your own nature, but do you? I'm 52 freaking years old and still figuring out my own nature because (a) who really knows themselves? (b) we are not robots! Human beings change over time. So Check in. See who you are today.
How? Pause and listen to your emotional responses to stimuli. Stay with me here. It sounds a little hippie dippy but it works.
Stop and pay attention to how your role activities are making you feel in the moment. Check in often and across a spectrum of activities.
I'm serious, this conscious effort really works. An example will help:
When you walked off that stage, how did you really feel giving that speech in front of all those people? Did you feel relieved to be done? Energized? Did you want to sprint back out there for more applause or did you want to sprint for the exit?
STEP TWO: Litmus test for relevancy
Before you beat yourself up comparing your natural qualities against job requirements, check those requirements for their relevancy!
Meaning, make sure you are working from a correctly defined the role for this moment.
Some examples:
Historically, business data was held tightly with a C-Suite vault. In this moment Leaders are expected to actively steer company culture toward transparency. And in some cases, radical transparency.
Historically, sales people would take weeks, months, or even years, warming up their clients over the golf course, steak house, or box seats; all in an effort to close a sale. In this moment, efficiency is a bigger commodity than the schmooze. Brands know you want their business. Your friends inside the brand know that too. Don’t waste their time - just tell them what you want and why you are the right man/woman/agency/partner for the job.
Historically, companies were made up of Executives (primarily white, middle-aged or aging men) and then … everybody else. Decisions were made top down. Opportunities came when you had put in your time (not necessarily by being the right woman for the job). In this moment, diversity, equity and inclusion prevail. Decisions are made top down and bottom up, collaboration is everything. And that raise you want? You get that when you are the strongest talent with the smartest solution.
You get the picture.
So how did I pull myself out of the funk? See these examples above. I realized my nature is perfectly suited for the new CEO, the now, and the coming soon. A resistance to complying with convention is not my weakness, its my strength. And most importantly, being true to myself is liberating. If I fail, I fail honestly and I can live with that.
In summary, like the Avett brothers say, “Tell the truth to yourself and the rest will fall in place.”
Don’t know these amazing artists? Listen here.
